My Life My Journey

What you say? You are still single?!

The single life of …

X: Hey Emelia, how is life? *African voice*
Me: ow uncle, everything is good.
X: Are you dating?
Me: (in my head) wait huh what! How do you go from “how are you?” to “are you dating?”

This is what I’m dealing on a weekly basis. When people want to know how I’m doing, they automatically want to know if there is someone in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind that people are asking me this question, but I do mind how they go about it. Yes, I have been single for a VERY LONG time. You know what … let me correct myself. It’s been a very long time that I have dealt with a man. So yeah, my ass is single as fvck!

Unmarried or not involved in a stable sexual relationship

Now I have accepted the fact that I’m single, but I have noticed that people around me won’t let me breath. I must be honest I haven’t always accepted my situation, but that is story for another time.

Last year I turned 30 and ‘normally’ somebody around that age would be married, or in a relationship or even has a child. Well I clearly don’t fall in that category. Funny story; so one day at church I got the how is life question! Menn .. I tell you that two church members were like “You need to date”, “Be careful, you are getting older” and the only thing I could do was laugh. Because in my mind I was like “You don’t know what I’m dealing with right know” for you to tell me I need to date. Listen, don’t get me wrong. Do I want to date … Yes, but there is nobody there. People are acting like that my phone is buzzing or every month there is somebody approaching me, but the truth is “There is no movement”. It even has come to that a point that my cousins are asking me like “where is your man?”

“But okey Emelia, what is really the reason for you being single?

I mean you are a stand up girl”

To be honest a view years ago I would ask myself this question. But I got to realize that I wasn’t ready for a committed relationship. I had to grow up and heal myself from negative situations.


But how did you know that you wasn’t ready?

Well, that’s a long story. This is the start of a new journey by sharing some bits of my life with my lovely diary readers. Hopefully you are here to join me on this journey to share experience and build each other up. It hasn’t been easy but I know we ladies are going, through similar situations, so why not talk about it.

My life My Journey

One Comment

  • Owura

    I read this once and I wasn’t sure I understood then I read it again to realise how deep this was. I guess being 30 and unmarried or not in a relationship is different from a man than a woman. So let me share a perspective from a man who might be 30 and single. will be brief.

    In out 20s as men when we trying to figure out stuff, some tend to want to test the waters and some just wanna find love. here is the problem, because we might not be financially accomplished at the time, the girls don’t even blink at us. ow it gets worse when you passed cos you a black man from Africa, ow you ain’t hot. Black African men were not in the days of Black panther where now all of a sudden it’s cool to be African.

    Times start to change and then somewhere around 25 or 26 ish the man starts life in the corporate world. starts to make it big and drive the cars. He is not now. He has a choice to make, date a white chick or date a black chick that is younger or date the black chick who never saw him as a thing in his 20s and would rather date a Suriname or an island boy who was in his 20s not financially stable. African brothers were given a bad wrap in their 20s. Now we are in our 30s and now we want to play the field maybe like we never got to do In our 20s.

    Regardless, this piece by Emelia is touching. Black men single and 30 also get pressured why we are not married. There might be messages in our inbox but we realise we are in a position of power and previledge now couple with us not having an expiring date so we just chilling.

    Love this story ems

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